Sometimes I feel like I may be giving up a little too much when I decided to coach VJ.

Hell, first question: what part time jobs end at around one in the afternoon?
Maybe a job in a clinic. Trouble is, the pay is pathetic, because it doesn't need an O/A level cert. And the point is, will I even find a clinic job in the first place.

I got St Anthony's. But that's not ENOUGH. It was lower than I expected, and lower still if that means I can't take a regular job with it (not that I could, with VJ). 500 per month sucks. And it's probably more committment than I can afford.

Who says i don't care about money? I'm a materialistic person. I care a lot about money. I'm spending disgusting amounts for applications, and I want to learn driving. I want to go CHina in May; I've wanted that since secondary school. And I promised myself that end of As is the start of the time I should pay my own way, but hell. It's not happening. I wanted to learn Malay too, but I guess my budget definitely doesn't accomdate that now.

I'm not a naturally altruistic person. Oh, I may find it fulfilling, etc, etc, (I do think so), but money is still more important. Being fulfilled comes second in my agenda to being able to pay my own way, and saving up my own nest egg for university.

(Sorry Felda. I know I really shouldn't complain.)

But Damn it! I so wanted to stop depending on my parents. Take a study loan and supplement it.

Shit. I'll feel bad if I back out. I should give back, really, and many seniors did do so out of pure and noble intentions. I gained a lot, in any case. But the money problems loom larger over my head day by day.

Why is self-sufficiency so hard? It should be easy at my age. FUCK.