I had this nightmare the night before that may have showed that I was thinking too much about fish. I dreamt that we started having different fish in the fish tank (a few diff species) and they started killing each other. I remember the scene when I was going to feed them, of some missing fish, a few fish bones in one corner and predatory fish swimming about. The image then was truly stark...it was all grey, and the green that was supposed to be at the background had faded to that colour. And I thought to myself then: apocalypse. It was very chilling, and there was a world of difference between that and the happy, domesticated fish we have in our tank trying to improve their lives. If the end of human civilisation would ever come about, it may be like this.

I've been thinking especially much about God these days, when I look at my fish (excuse my speculations if you have prior beliefs). In the perspective of my fish, I could be God--I provide them with the space to live in, food to eat,in fact everything in the environment--the gravel, the log, the flower, has been given by me. They see my face sometimes, and they swim against their tank in wonder.

Yet, as much as I want to, beyond that, I can't control their lives. If they fight among each other, the most I could do is remove one party (it happened for quite some time before there was 'peace'), not intervene. When two big fish bully one smaller one (that happened too, for a while until the small one died of heart attack) and prevent it from eating, I can't do much either.

I can't dictate what they are building in the tank. In fact, I have no idea what they are doing...At first, I thought that the cleared space at the left side of the log (the empty circle surrounded by larger pebbles) was for them to sleep, but last night I discovered them to be sleeping on the other side, in what appeared to be the 'garden'. So what's it's purpose? Or is it still 'under construction'? I truly have no idea. I tried to help them in the past by shifting the log, and my mum removed some gravel when the slope was piling up too high. Now though, I've kind of given up because I can only guess at their thoughts. For all I know, they could be developing complex theories about stones.

I have the best intentions for them, and I would do everything in my power to prevent the apocalypse as mentioned above; yet what I can do is limited, not by choice but by circumstance. If there is indeed a God (that's still a question I'm pondering), perhaps He's not this omnipotent, omniprescent character that can control our lives, because our fate, to a large extent continues to be self-dictated.

To people who complain that I'm obsessed about my fish, this is one of the reasons for my continued fascination. There are so many parallels to be drawn to the human world in this perspective.

For example, nothing could show better than this the power of cooperation. When the two fish were fighting, both sides lived in general fear, gobbled their food and went to opposite sides of the tank. After they became good friends, the tank went through a major revamp, which I shall not elaborate cos I've described too much already. Living standards have improved now that resources are not being wasted in fighting.

Though I must say, the thought of a big alien in the sky is quite a frightening one.

What do you think?