These few days have been rather eventful.

Wednesday morning was council investiture. Or rather, investiture for the new batch, stepping down for us.

It's quite strange that after complaining so much about the council, I actually felt a sense of loss when I took off my black tag. It seemed rather empty. After all, I did spend a rather large amount of time in it, even if I wasn't as committed as some others.

I'm quite proud to be a part of a council that was special, in the new initiatives that we set up for the school--though I really can't claim any credit for that. We worked together, no matter what quarrels we had, with necessity driving us if nothing else.

I used to think that ceremonies were useless. The time spent as part of an audience, sitting through endless rounds of clapping and hand-shaking; the effort taken to prepare and rehearse for them seemed disproportionate to any real gains that could be reaped from it. What purpose does it serve, except to provide some psychological lack that can be fulfilled by other, more efficient ways?

Yet after that day, I changed my mind: ceremonies do provide a sense of initiation and closure, though I believe the latter to be more important. It's not something that can be only be truly appreciated with personal experience. Furthermore, the preparation for the ceremony gathers the entire group for perhaps what could be the one last time (at least, the last time workin together), and gives the opportunity for proper goodbyes.

COmparing council and debate, the difference becomes even more stark. For debate, we had an intense of preparation during competition season, yet after, everyone just kind of faded away into busy schedules, with any attempts at a group dinner thwarted by that very reason. When I see the new team now, I feel like I'm hanging in the middle...not in, but not out. And I wish the old team could have had at least one last gathering before the ties were lenghtened and the mood dispelled.

Wednesday afternoon, or rather, Wednesday evening (considering the rain) was soccer finals. I'm so glad we won after last year's loss. I thought the best moment for me, as one of the supporters was actually when SAJC scored an equalizer goal after the half time. At that point, the whole VJ contingent erupted and started serious cheering of 'fight on VJ fight on' etc. The elation when VJ scored again was really something to experience. I was just thinking of the World CUp in Korea a few years ago...imagine if you were the team opposing Korea and just walked into a stadium full of red dots singing Korean songs. My gosh. It must have been quite intimidating.

And yesterday was the hockey match. I was so relieved when VJ scored after half time...the way the match was progressing, it seemed like it was going to go into penalties again, a rather nerve wrecking moment. Last year hockey won on penalties but soccer lost, so this year luck may turn. But anyway, we won. hahaha.

I'm not quite sure when was the exact moment the revelation came about, but I realised that my survival instinct has somehow strengthened considerably in the space of the last few weeks. It's like I suddenly just KNOW how precious mortality is...like a spark that is gone, once it dies out. Again, that image seemed to have carved itself deep into my subconcious, though I can't remember exactly when I got it. I saw a TV advertisement for the show Deep Impact yesterday night, and I was asking myself, "If all your loved ones had to be left behind, would you choose to live on?" And contrary to what I originally believed of myself, the answer was 'Yes.' I used to somewhat approve of euthanasia, thinking that no life was better than life in pain, but now I know that I would fight on till the last moment, no matter what I was enduring. It was almost frightening.

I'm changing. i don't know how but I am. I guess I shall just await future developments.