I recieved this email from SMU:
Dear all SMU students,
We are happy to inform you that the table cloth for one of the pool tables in the SMU Student Recreation Room has been changed. We have decided to change it as it was too worn-out and a change of the table cloth will create a better playing experience for all students. That change would not have been made possible without the budget from SSU. Hence, the table cloth, essentially, is owned by the SMU community and we hope that you would take good care of the pool tables, including the playing equipment as if they were your own. It is only with this mentality, that everyone gets to enjoy a good game of pool.
This probably addresses a deep seated, serious issue, but when I read it I just found it inordinately funny. Like ooooh, tablecloth.
Held training for VJ today. I decided that the new VJ shirt with that little man on it is really quite cute. It has the effect of enhancing its wearer's shape, in the sense that thin people look thinner and fat people fatter. I found it wildly amusing when I saw it on a skinny person, and now I can't wait to see big, well-built guys in it. Imagine big white shirt with little man dead center on the chest. Comparative irony.
Woke up early to see Brenda off but her flight was brought forward by 45 min, so it became pretty redundant by the time I set off.
I realised that when I'm very tired I can go without food pretty much the whole day. Not that I didn't eat today; I did, but I doubt I would have felt the urge to if I hadn't been with others.
Ok. Sleep now.
Saturday, January 21, 2006
Sunday, December 25, 2005
For some strange reason, the blogger server has turned Chinese. This is especially mysterious since blogs are supposed to be banned in China, due to all sorts of politically insiduous and dangerous material that they are bound to contain. Coincidentally, so has my SMU email account. I had written it off originally as a temporary strange IT thing that sometimes happens to computers, but two months and many log ins later I am forced to admit that it appears to be quite settled.
I think my computer is not quite compatible to the CHinese programme they are using. So now instead of words, I get a lot of squares which I attach meanings to randomly based on their length and position. For example, the two envelope icons mean either "reply", or "reply all". "Reply" is two squares, and "reply all" four squares. I feel quite smart to have figured that out.
Anyway I have decided to write a list of reviews of movies I have watched, in case there are people even later than I am. Here it is:
Harry Potter: good, but if you haven't read the book you'll know shit about half of what's happening. Hermione is also the prettiest of all female leads, which isn't supposed to be the case but I guess the producers can't sack her for growing up too pretty.
Perhaps Love: not bad movie wise, but it has some way to go before making a mark as a musical. The singing at the beginning is very bad, so be warned. The ending is a little too abstract for my taste, but some people like ambiguity, so well.
King Kong: Good! I expected it to be some dumb show about a monkey stomping around a city, but it turned out to have a plot. Was particularly impressed with the 1920s-30s New York setting. However how they transported the monkey remains a mystery, and I thought that the middle part where monsters were chasing humans ran on for a little too long. There was one scene where a man's head gets slowly swallowed by giant leeches that I felt was totally unnecessary. It seemed to have made an impact on my father though, because he went around pretending to be a leech for a while after that.
Is chronicles of narnia good, does anyone know? Also thinking of watching Wallace and Grombit.
I think my computer is not quite compatible to the CHinese programme they are using. So now instead of words, I get a lot of squares which I attach meanings to randomly based on their length and position. For example, the two envelope icons mean either "reply", or "reply all". "Reply" is two squares, and "reply all" four squares. I feel quite smart to have figured that out.
Anyway I have decided to write a list of reviews of movies I have watched, in case there are people even later than I am. Here it is:
Harry Potter: good, but if you haven't read the book you'll know shit about half of what's happening. Hermione is also the prettiest of all female leads, which isn't supposed to be the case but I guess the producers can't sack her for growing up too pretty.
Perhaps Love: not bad movie wise, but it has some way to go before making a mark as a musical. The singing at the beginning is very bad, so be warned. The ending is a little too abstract for my taste, but some people like ambiguity, so well.
King Kong: Good! I expected it to be some dumb show about a monkey stomping around a city, but it turned out to have a plot. Was particularly impressed with the 1920s-30s New York setting. However how they transported the monkey remains a mystery, and I thought that the middle part where monsters were chasing humans ran on for a little too long. There was one scene where a man's head gets slowly swallowed by giant leeches that I felt was totally unnecessary. It seemed to have made an impact on my father though, because he went around pretending to be a leech for a while after that.
Is chronicles of narnia good, does anyone know? Also thinking of watching Wallace and Grombit.
Friday, December 09, 2005
I went swimming this morning. For the monsoon season, there was an unnaccountably large amount of blue sky. After two hours of exercise, my colour has changed somewhat. I would like to say that I have acquired the bronzed tan of many swimmers, but unfortunately it it can only be described as an uneven and unattractive brown. As proof that I wore goggles under the sun, there are now two white rings round my eyes. They make nice contrasts to the skin around them, so that my dark circles are now more prominent.
I did a google search, and to my surprise, swimming expends the same amount of energy as jogging. However, I don't feel all that exercised, probably because I swim with the speed of a drowning snail. Nevertheless, I am pleased that I have made the effort to lead a Healthy Lifestyle.
Yesterday was an example of the kind of life people shouldn't lead. Felda and I met at 1230, and had fried cheese sticks and a main course at Big O Cafe for lunch. (As a side note, if you order lamb chops there, you should state medium if you want medium well and medium well if you want well done. Saying well done will probably get you very tough lamb chops.) We were quite full so we went down to Borders and walked around to rest a little, then proceeded up to NYDC, where we ordered soup, potato salad and a dessert of cheesecake and ice-cream with chocolate sauce. Their double chocolate chip ice-cream has insufficient chips, by the way, for chocolate chip enthusiasts.
After that we did some shopping, which had been our original intention. That was about five hours after we met. We looked at clothes for about forty minutes, then decided we were tired and needed a rest. So we took the train down to Novena early to meet Jon, so that we could slack there. We went to Ichiban to eat dinner, and Bakers' Zin or Inn or something to have ice-cream\cake\funny tasting strawberry latte.
I was quite horrified to discover that I spent more that $55 on food that day. I'm going to starve for the next few days, if only to save money.
I did a google search, and to my surprise, swimming expends the same amount of energy as jogging. However, I don't feel all that exercised, probably because I swim with the speed of a drowning snail. Nevertheless, I am pleased that I have made the effort to lead a Healthy Lifestyle.
Yesterday was an example of the kind of life people shouldn't lead. Felda and I met at 1230, and had fried cheese sticks and a main course at Big O Cafe for lunch. (As a side note, if you order lamb chops there, you should state medium if you want medium well and medium well if you want well done. Saying well done will probably get you very tough lamb chops.) We were quite full so we went down to Borders and walked around to rest a little, then proceeded up to NYDC, where we ordered soup, potato salad and a dessert of cheesecake and ice-cream with chocolate sauce. Their double chocolate chip ice-cream has insufficient chips, by the way, for chocolate chip enthusiasts.
After that we did some shopping, which had been our original intention. That was about five hours after we met. We looked at clothes for about forty minutes, then decided we were tired and needed a rest. So we took the train down to Novena early to meet Jon, so that we could slack there. We went to Ichiban to eat dinner, and Bakers' Zin or Inn or something to have ice-cream\cake\funny tasting strawberry latte.
I was quite horrified to discover that I spent more that $55 on food that day. I'm going to starve for the next few days, if only to save money.
Friday, August 26, 2005
I have nothing to do today. This is a very novel feeling.
I had intended to start studying, but due to extraordinary circumstances such as being late to meet Jon, I was unable to procure my course books, hence delaying me from embarking on my plan of becoming Geek of the year.
To cut a long-winded description short, I have no books to study and I have no appointments, so I have nothing to do.
Well actually, not nothing to do. I need to pack my room, but I have decided to learn from the wise ostrich in that regard.
Talking about geeks, most people don't know that I have always wanted to be one. There's something about immersing yourself wholeheartedly in studies and getting good grades that somehow appeals to me. Unfortunately I was too darn happening in JC and after due to a sad lack of determination, and I must now make up for it by being extra nerdy.
Once I get my books, of course.
ANd maybe pack my room.
School life has been interesting so far. The bones of the place is pretty much what the convocation video promised, except for large boarded up areas and the lack of most of the advertised facilities. Despite having no water coolers, however, my block redeems itself by having a cheers just across the road, which I procure my supplies from during 15 minute lecture breaks. I'm afraid I'm going to gain weight, because during both long breaks and short breaks I eat and eat.
Which is really surprising, considering the tight and healthy diet I usually keep to.
I shall go back to doing nothing.
I had intended to start studying, but due to extraordinary circumstances such as being late to meet Jon, I was unable to procure my course books, hence delaying me from embarking on my plan of becoming Geek of the year.
To cut a long-winded description short, I have no books to study and I have no appointments, so I have nothing to do.
Well actually, not nothing to do. I need to pack my room, but I have decided to learn from the wise ostrich in that regard.
Talking about geeks, most people don't know that I have always wanted to be one. There's something about immersing yourself wholeheartedly in studies and getting good grades that somehow appeals to me. Unfortunately I was too darn happening in JC and after due to a sad lack of determination, and I must now make up for it by being extra nerdy.
Once I get my books, of course.
ANd maybe pack my room.
School life has been interesting so far. The bones of the place is pretty much what the convocation video promised, except for large boarded up areas and the lack of most of the advertised facilities. Despite having no water coolers, however, my block redeems itself by having a cheers just across the road, which I procure my supplies from during 15 minute lecture breaks. I'm afraid I'm going to gain weight, because during both long breaks and short breaks I eat and eat.
Which is really surprising, considering the tight and healthy diet I usually keep to.
I shall go back to doing nothing.
Saturday, August 20, 2005
I wish I could just record down all my emotions now. I've had months of general disillusionment with human relationships and building frustration, weeks of wishing that university wasn't starting, and six days of terrible insomnia. Now I feel uplifted all at once: joy, anticipation and relief merging into a happy whole.
The joy was from a stayover at my cousin's place, which reminded me of how nice human silliness and laughter are. The anticipation came surprisingly after the convocation ceremony, which was pretty much as boring as promised except for the brilliant concert at the end, and a long chat with my orientation group on the Esplanade rooftop. The relief at finally making the decision to just be honest, get things out of my system, face the impossible and just move on. And of course, the girl talk plus OG sharing which was just nice.
No more sleepless nights. A whole new stage of my life to look forward to. I love people! I love life! I'm suddenly very happy to be alive, and happier that so many wonderful people around me are alive. That sounds mushy and I'm not usually mushy, so this is evidently a Rare Moment.
Thank you dears!
Strange what emotional turbulence does to you.
The joy was from a stayover at my cousin's place, which reminded me of how nice human silliness and laughter are. The anticipation came surprisingly after the convocation ceremony, which was pretty much as boring as promised except for the brilliant concert at the end, and a long chat with my orientation group on the Esplanade rooftop. The relief at finally making the decision to just be honest, get things out of my system, face the impossible and just move on. And of course, the girl talk plus OG sharing which was just nice.
No more sleepless nights. A whole new stage of my life to look forward to. I love people! I love life! I'm suddenly very happy to be alive, and happier that so many wonderful people around me are alive. That sounds mushy and I'm not usually mushy, so this is evidently a Rare Moment.
Thank you dears!
Strange what emotional turbulence does to you.
Tuesday, August 16, 2005
It occurred to me last night that my sister really is the most important person in my life. While love really cannot be measured between individuals, the loss of her in my life would likely be more devastating than the loss of any other.
And I can't blog any more because my computer has just detected a virus.
And I can't blog any more because my computer has just detected a virus.
I was flipping through my autograph book today and I came across this poem dedicated by my primary school friends, written when we were all still in primary school. It explains the rather terrible rhyming and grammatical errors, but it’s very cute all the same.
In Loving (the ‘o’ here is a heart) Memory of Zhang Xuwen
Xuwen was a little pig
All she did was eat and eat
She’s so crazy, she’s so bad
She is really, really mad
(Beside this verse is a drawing of a pig’s head with a spiral above it to symbolize madness)
She would always dance all day
Sometimes she would run away
She was neither nice nor kind
As she had long since lost her mind
(Picture of pig in dancing dress to emphasize point)
And then one day a farmer came
He saw Xuwen and laughed like insane
He took a big, fat, chopper knife (drawing of big chopper knife)
And cut poor Xuwen slice by slice
Xuwen cried out, “Stop the knife!”
The farmer was shocked that she’s still alive!
She said, “Thank you for the liposuction.”
He cut in, “There’s no need for the mention.”
She cried, “But that’s not the way I want it!”
He said, “Yes, of course I must wear a mitt!
I could not bear to touch you
Even if you are coated with dew!”
(I don’t get this part either, by the way)
Xuwen bit him and ran away
All the people saw her sway
She was still alive and running about
But she couldn’t live without her butt!
(Pig without butt)
She went to hell to reincarnate
But she was told that it’s too late!
The last pig place had been taken away
She begged and cried but they said nay!
There’s only one place left for her to go
She cried as now she must stoop low
Knowing that she could shit no more
She would rather turn “ang moh”!
Then she was reborn as a child
And since an infant she had been wild
For she had been missing a lot
As a pig but now she was not
And now whenever you see a girl
Who has a habit of forming curls
That is Xuwen who lost her butt
When she tried rolling in the mud
She had wanted to conceal
What she could not reveal
The awful fact that her muddy figure
Is now growing bigger and bigger
Oh! The pleasure she’s deprived
Of all the things that she had prized
And now she could find nothing worthwhile
Except to draw pigs pile by pile!
(Another pig’s head)
Her friends began to fear that she’s insane
When she started growing a mane
They plucked off all her hair to make her sane
And behaved like very unpleasant dames
Xuwen could bear this ordeal no more
For her head had become awfully sore
Her skin had also become very red
And by the next day, she was dead!
(Illustration of pig with crosses as eyes to show a dead pig)
Somehow I find it inordinately funny. I should be honoured that they actually went to all this effort.
In Loving (the ‘o’ here is a heart) Memory of Zhang Xuwen
Xuwen was a little pig
All she did was eat and eat
She’s so crazy, she’s so bad
She is really, really mad
(Beside this verse is a drawing of a pig’s head with a spiral above it to symbolize madness)
She would always dance all day
Sometimes she would run away
She was neither nice nor kind
As she had long since lost her mind
(Picture of pig in dancing dress to emphasize point)
And then one day a farmer came
He saw Xuwen and laughed like insane
He took a big, fat, chopper knife (drawing of big chopper knife)
And cut poor Xuwen slice by slice
Xuwen cried out, “Stop the knife!”
The farmer was shocked that she’s still alive!
She said, “Thank you for the liposuction.”
He cut in, “There’s no need for the mention.”
She cried, “But that’s not the way I want it!”
He said, “Yes, of course I must wear a mitt!
I could not bear to touch you
Even if you are coated with dew!”
(I don’t get this part either, by the way)
Xuwen bit him and ran away
All the people saw her sway
She was still alive and running about
But she couldn’t live without her butt!
(Pig without butt)
She went to hell to reincarnate
But she was told that it’s too late!
The last pig place had been taken away
She begged and cried but they said nay!
There’s only one place left for her to go
She cried as now she must stoop low
Knowing that she could shit no more
She would rather turn “ang moh”!
Then she was reborn as a child
And since an infant she had been wild
For she had been missing a lot
As a pig but now she was not
And now whenever you see a girl
Who has a habit of forming curls
That is Xuwen who lost her butt
When she tried rolling in the mud
She had wanted to conceal
What she could not reveal
The awful fact that her muddy figure
Is now growing bigger and bigger
Oh! The pleasure she’s deprived
Of all the things that she had prized
And now she could find nothing worthwhile
Except to draw pigs pile by pile!
(Another pig’s head)
Her friends began to fear that she’s insane
When she started growing a mane
They plucked off all her hair to make her sane
And behaved like very unpleasant dames
Xuwen could bear this ordeal no more
For her head had become awfully sore
Her skin had also become very red
And by the next day, she was dead!
(Illustration of pig with crosses as eyes to show a dead pig)
Somehow I find it inordinately funny. I should be honoured that they actually went to all this effort.
Monday, August 15, 2005
Thursday, August 11, 2005
The fish in my grandma's house is shrinking. I haven't seen many fish shrink before--in fact, I haven't seen ANY fish shrink before. So everytime I go there, I feel the urge to feed it. But no, I can't, because apparently they bought expensive fish food for it and it's to be used sparingly. So as a result, instead of the healthy red glow assured by fish food manufacturers, this luo han has a rather yellow, malnourished complexion.
I was contemplating taking fish food from my house and feeding it, but if it died through pure coincidence, I would probably be accused of feeding it to death. Because my fish food is not expensive enough, or something. Sigh.
Something quite rare and incredible happened to me yesterday, which I will not go into detail here because certain gossipy individuals may get the wrong idea. Anyway I was quite pleasantly surprised by the bag the team bought me--I figured out that four guys may not have the best taste when it came to female stuff. But it's nice! Nicer than what I got myself, admittedly.
Talking about bags, to divert from the theme of "furry stuff", I'm getting three bags this year. Well like Felda said, a girl can never have too many fancy bags.
I was contemplating taking fish food from my house and feeding it, but if it died through pure coincidence, I would probably be accused of feeding it to death. Because my fish food is not expensive enough, or something. Sigh.
Something quite rare and incredible happened to me yesterday, which I will not go into detail here because certain gossipy individuals may get the wrong idea. Anyway I was quite pleasantly surprised by the bag the team bought me--I figured out that four guys may not have the best taste when it came to female stuff. But it's nice! Nicer than what I got myself, admittedly.
Talking about bags, to divert from the theme of "furry stuff", I'm getting three bags this year. Well like Felda said, a girl can never have too many fancy bags.
Friday, August 05, 2005
I went out with primary school friends today whom I've not met up with properly in years. We were a tight foursome long ago, and I was pleasantly surprised to discover that the magic wasn't all gone, after all.
Our conversation to decide a place to eat went something like this:
Me: "So where do you want to eat? Quick, I'm hungry. Restaurant or cheapskate?"
Shulin: "Restaurant lah. Don't want cheapskate."
Me: "Western, Chinese, Japanese?"
Jit Sy: "Not Chinese."
Lee Ting: "Not Japanese."
Me: "Ok, what western restaurants are there around here?"
Shulin: "Italian, Swensons, NYDC, Fosters..."
Me: "Not Swensons."
Lee Ting: "Not NYDC."
Jit Sy: "Not Italian."
So by the process of elimination, we went to Fosters. It's nice to go out with people who have opinions, although the food sucked. So DON'T GO FOSTERS.
It was also nice to eat with non-choosy people with healthy appetites and not on any kind of diet. All the courses: the bread (with butter), soup, main course, ice-cream and coffee/tea were totally cleared by all individuals present. No leftover fries, half eaten chicken, or untouched bread. Jit Sy still picks out all her peas but that doesn't count. It was nice to feel normal. We agreed to go to the zoo next Friday, although that took longer than deciding what to eat.
After that I rushed to AJ for the CDC debate competition. Happily, SCGS broke semifinals, so efforts all round were paid off. In general, quite a good day today.
Our conversation to decide a place to eat went something like this:
Me: "So where do you want to eat? Quick, I'm hungry. Restaurant or cheapskate?"
Shulin: "Restaurant lah. Don't want cheapskate."
Me: "Western, Chinese, Japanese?"
Jit Sy: "Not Chinese."
Lee Ting: "Not Japanese."
Me: "Ok, what western restaurants are there around here?"
Shulin: "Italian, Swensons, NYDC, Fosters..."
Me: "Not Swensons."
Lee Ting: "Not NYDC."
Jit Sy: "Not Italian."
So by the process of elimination, we went to Fosters. It's nice to go out with people who have opinions, although the food sucked. So DON'T GO FOSTERS.
It was also nice to eat with non-choosy people with healthy appetites and not on any kind of diet. All the courses: the bread (with butter), soup, main course, ice-cream and coffee/tea were totally cleared by all individuals present. No leftover fries, half eaten chicken, or untouched bread. Jit Sy still picks out all her peas but that doesn't count. It was nice to feel normal. We agreed to go to the zoo next Friday, although that took longer than deciding what to eat.
After that I rushed to AJ for the CDC debate competition. Happily, SCGS broke semifinals, so efforts all round were paid off. In general, quite a good day today.
Friday, July 29, 2005
I went for college day yesterday, which turned out to be quite amusing, mainly due to the conversation I was having with the person sitting beside me. First the guest of honour, Tharman's picture was flashed up on the screen, with an expression commonly seen in many obituaries. Directly below it were the words:
Guest of Honour
Tharman Shanaguratnam
Minister of Education
Naturally we both commented that it looked like words on a tombstone.
Grand music then started playing in the background, and a procession of 8 people wearing black suits with a white flower pinned at the breast came up on stage.
We also spent some time marvelling at how different Kylash looked with his new hairstyle, a curly mess on his head. Later we realised that it was not Kylash at all, but his brother, which explained the dissimilar features as well.
I recieved a surprisingly large number of birthday wishes this year, from several whom I thought I lost contact with. I also got a fair number of furry presents. A black furry pencil case, a pink furry handphone pouch, a furry rainbow snake, and a furry flower cushion. I appreciate the thought, I really do, although I must admit to have avoided this category of items since primary school. I blame it all on my cartoon T-shirts.
I had an interesting conversation with my mother on the day before.
Mother: "What do you want for your birthday?"
Me: "An MP3 player with my favourite songs in it."
Mother: "Really? But you don't listen to music much."
Me: "That's because I don't have an MP3 player with my favourite songs in it."
Mother: "Oh. Anyway it's too late, because we (parents) have already bought you your present."
Oh well.
Guest of Honour
Tharman Shanaguratnam
Minister of Education
Naturally we both commented that it looked like words on a tombstone.
Grand music then started playing in the background, and a procession of 8 people wearing black suits with a white flower pinned at the breast came up on stage.
We also spent some time marvelling at how different Kylash looked with his new hairstyle, a curly mess on his head. Later we realised that it was not Kylash at all, but his brother, which explained the dissimilar features as well.
I recieved a surprisingly large number of birthday wishes this year, from several whom I thought I lost contact with. I also got a fair number of furry presents. A black furry pencil case, a pink furry handphone pouch, a furry rainbow snake, and a furry flower cushion. I appreciate the thought, I really do, although I must admit to have avoided this category of items since primary school. I blame it all on my cartoon T-shirts.
I had an interesting conversation with my mother on the day before.
Mother: "What do you want for your birthday?"
Me: "An MP3 player with my favourite songs in it."
Mother: "Really? But you don't listen to music much."
Me: "That's because I don't have an MP3 player with my favourite songs in it."
Mother: "Oh. Anyway it's too late, because we (parents) have already bought you your present."
Oh well.
Friday, July 08, 2005
I was totally astounded a few days ago by a horoscope I read about myself, from a Chinese horoscope website Lin Zi gave me. I never really fulfilled all the characteristics of Leos, but this one was a long description separating female leos and male leos. Reading it was like ticking a row of checkboxes down a list. Because posting it up here would reveal some things I rather people not know, I shall refrain from doing so.
So many things, so many thoughts recently, that I don't really know what to put into words. I think I'm losing my sense of humour. It got left somewhere in China, when I was already not very funny. Not that I was ever really funny in the first place. I just found more things funny in general, I guess.
I tricked Bryan to walk to Kembangan today. It wasn't complete trickery; he said he wanted to go to look at some LAN centre and I told him it was a short walk. Not that I'm sorry for it--it's probably the most exercise he has had for a long time. Unfortunately I don't think the LAN centre is sufficient motivation for him to ever walk there again.
I'm starting to feel the growing need for solitude again. I'm around too many people lately. Or rather, too many times around the same people. My mother keeps complaining that I stay up till unholy hours and continually tells me that my family and social life would be unbalanced--little does she know that it is the quiet each night that keeps me going the next day, and the next.
I don't look forward to orientation. I feel too old for it, in a way that I can't explain. But I know that I'll go for it, cheer like anybody else and show great enthusiasm in all the activities because I myself hate spoilsports. Grin at everyone and tell them how much fun I'm having, pretending to myself that I really am having a lot of fun. When all that is over I'll reach home and think to myself, "Thank gods, it's over.", and tell the next person it's really quite enjoyable.
I'm so angry lately. Angry and frustrated with the world and human nature. Another change in me that I dislike, but can't do much about.
I'm going to close my Blog. No one really reads it anymore, and I've lost the urge, the sudden commentary in my mind that I want to express in writing. Too many people know of it, and I can't be bothered to change it to something else. I sit on it a few days first though.
Oh, as a side note, my birthday is on the 25th, not the 23rd or the 27th. Why do so many people get it two days off, then comfort themselves by saying they at least got the month right? Meeting up before you all start uni would be nice, by the way. No need for presents--just show your face before I lose the chance to see it for the next few months.
(The no need for presents comment does not apply to Judith and Lin Zi, because the two of you belong in my list of people who must give me presents. It's supposed to be a compliment. Muahahahaha.)
So many things, so many thoughts recently, that I don't really know what to put into words. I think I'm losing my sense of humour. It got left somewhere in China, when I was already not very funny. Not that I was ever really funny in the first place. I just found more things funny in general, I guess.
I tricked Bryan to walk to Kembangan today. It wasn't complete trickery; he said he wanted to go to look at some LAN centre and I told him it was a short walk. Not that I'm sorry for it--it's probably the most exercise he has had for a long time. Unfortunately I don't think the LAN centre is sufficient motivation for him to ever walk there again.
I'm starting to feel the growing need for solitude again. I'm around too many people lately. Or rather, too many times around the same people. My mother keeps complaining that I stay up till unholy hours and continually tells me that my family and social life would be unbalanced--little does she know that it is the quiet each night that keeps me going the next day, and the next.
I don't look forward to orientation. I feel too old for it, in a way that I can't explain. But I know that I'll go for it, cheer like anybody else and show great enthusiasm in all the activities because I myself hate spoilsports. Grin at everyone and tell them how much fun I'm having, pretending to myself that I really am having a lot of fun. When all that is over I'll reach home and think to myself, "Thank gods, it's over.", and tell the next person it's really quite enjoyable.
I'm so angry lately. Angry and frustrated with the world and human nature. Another change in me that I dislike, but can't do much about.
I'm going to close my Blog. No one really reads it anymore, and I've lost the urge, the sudden commentary in my mind that I want to express in writing. Too many people know of it, and I can't be bothered to change it to something else. I sit on it a few days first though.
Oh, as a side note, my birthday is on the 25th, not the 23rd or the 27th. Why do so many people get it two days off, then comfort themselves by saying they at least got the month right? Meeting up before you all start uni would be nice, by the way. No need for presents--just show your face before I lose the chance to see it for the next few months.
(The no need for presents comment does not apply to Judith and Lin Zi, because the two of you belong in my list of people who must give me presents. It's supposed to be a compliment. Muahahahaha.)
Sunday, July 03, 2005
It's been a long time.
The reason being, I didn't have much inspiration.
And I was lazy.
And I appear to have turned very lame in the course of these few days.
Anyway, I'm in Amoz's house now. We were supposed to be having training but after quite a lot of pizza, the blood that was supposed to be in the brain went to the stomach, and the males, who had less blood to begin with, started playing computer games. Divyesh was very hardworking and slept with his MP3 player instead. The only female in the group, that being me, got influenced and spent her time watching all the cool moves on the screen.
Which shows something about the positive effect pizza has on me.
I got to see another side to Teck Wee today. I never knew him to be the kind of guy that goes "ARGH" in a strangled voice whenever his character (on screen) gets hit. Then again, there's a lot I don't know about guys when they play computer games.
To be fair, I make funny noises too, when I think I can get away with it without too much damage to my reputation.
There was a shortage of computers today--only two for four people. So Bryan and Amoz kept asking with great concern whether Divyesh was done with his speech, ostensibly so that they could do other important things with technology. Which is to play "Dota", an extremely important game which currently takes up all their remaining life outside school.
Imran proudly declared, in the course of beating Bryan, that he was "Leia the Hutt", because he just beat "Jabba the Hutt". This implied two things: he has an overwhelming feminine subconscious, and a secret desire to be married to Bryan.
I have come to the end of my inspiration.
I feel like eating something again, damn.
The reason being, I didn't have much inspiration.
And I was lazy.
And I appear to have turned very lame in the course of these few days.
Anyway, I'm in Amoz's house now. We were supposed to be having training but after quite a lot of pizza, the blood that was supposed to be in the brain went to the stomach, and the males, who had less blood to begin with, started playing computer games. Divyesh was very hardworking and slept with his MP3 player instead. The only female in the group, that being me, got influenced and spent her time watching all the cool moves on the screen.
Which shows something about the positive effect pizza has on me.
I got to see another side to Teck Wee today. I never knew him to be the kind of guy that goes "ARGH" in a strangled voice whenever his character (on screen) gets hit. Then again, there's a lot I don't know about guys when they play computer games.
To be fair, I make funny noises too, when I think I can get away with it without too much damage to my reputation.
There was a shortage of computers today--only two for four people. So Bryan and Amoz kept asking with great concern whether Divyesh was done with his speech, ostensibly so that they could do other important things with technology. Which is to play "Dota", an extremely important game which currently takes up all their remaining life outside school.
Imran proudly declared, in the course of beating Bryan, that he was "Leia the Hutt", because he just beat "Jabba the Hutt". This implied two things: he has an overwhelming feminine subconscious, and a secret desire to be married to Bryan.
I have come to the end of my inspiration.
I feel like eating something again, damn.
Sunday, June 26, 2005
Wow wee! The blogskin is cute! It even comes with a comments thingy and it's ARCHIVED. YES! Thank you Felda! I never have to learn HTML because I have lovely friends to help me with it. Everybody comment! Say how much you like it or I'll post on your blog (if you have one) and complain about it's design.
I'm suffering from inertia. Which means I'm too lazy to blog now so I shall do it tomorrow.
I'm suffering from inertia. Which means I'm too lazy to blog now so I shall do it tomorrow.
Tuesday, June 21, 2005
Here are my flight details, for those who are interested.
Date: 22nd June
Arriving: 740 p.m.
Flight number: CX711, from Hong Kong (it's a transit flight)
It's just as well that I'm leaving now. Temperature in Beijing reached 38 degrees today, and expected to go up to 42 degrees sometime this month. I feel like I'm being baked in an oven.
By the way, I can't access blogs in China--it's banned, although I can still post. That's why I can't reply to any tagboard messages.
Date: 22nd June
Arriving: 740 p.m.
Flight number: CX711, from Hong Kong (it's a transit flight)
It's just as well that I'm leaving now. Temperature in Beijing reached 38 degrees today, and expected to go up to 42 degrees sometime this month. I feel like I'm being baked in an oven.
By the way, I can't access blogs in China--it's banned, although I can still post. That's why I can't reply to any tagboard messages.
Tuesday, June 07, 2005
Fiorina's Commencement Address
Here's what she told the graduates and their guests at the North Carolina Agricultural & Technical State University on May 7
My fellow job seekers: I am honored to be among the first to congratulate you on completing your years at North Carolina A&T. But all of you should know: as Mother's Day gifts go, this one is going to be tough to beat in the years ahead.
The purpose of a commencement speaker is to dispense wisdom. But the older I get, the more I realize that the most important wisdom I've learned in life has come from my mother and my father. Before we go any further, let's hear it one more time for your mothers and mother figures, fathers and father figures, family, and friends in the audience today.
When I first received the invitation to speak here, I was the CEO of an $80 billion Fortune 11 company with 145,000 employees in 178 countries around the world. I held that job for nearly six years. It was also a company that hired its fair share of graduates from North Carolina A&T. You could always tell who they were. For some reason, they were the ones that had stickers on their desks that read, "Beat the Eagles."
But as you may have heard, I don't have that job anymore. After the news of my departure broke, I called the school, and asked: do you still want me to come and be your commencement speaker?
Chancellor Renick put my fears to rest. He said, "Carly, if anything, you probably have more in common with these students now than you did before." And he's right. After all, I've been working on my resume. I've been lining up my references. I bought a new interview suit. If there are any recruiters here, I'll be free around 11.
I want to thank you for having me anyway. This is the first public appearance I've made since I left HP. I wanted very much to be here because this school has always been set apart by something that I've believed very deeply; something that takes me back to the earliest memories I have in life.
One day at church, my mother gave me a small coaster with a saying on it. During my entire childhood, I kept this saying in front of me on a small desk in my room. In fact, I can still show you that coaster today. It says: "What you are is God's gift to you. What you make of yourself is your gift to God."
Those words have had a huge impact on me to this day. What this school and I believe in very deeply is that when we think about our lives, we shouldn't be limited by other people's stereotypes or bigotry. Instead, we should be motivated by our own sense of possibility. We should be motivated by our own sense of accomplishment. We should be motivated by what we believe we can become. Jesse Jackson has taught us; Ronald McNair taught us; the Greensboro Four taught us; that the people who focus on possibilities achieve much more in life than people who focus on limitations.
The question for all of you today is: how will you define what you make of yourself?
To me, what you make of yourself is actually two questions. There's the "you" that people see on the outside. And that's how most people will judge you, because it's all they can see - what you become in life, whether you were made President of this, or CEO of that, the visible you.
But then, there's the invisible you, the "you" on the inside. That's the person that only you and God can see. For 25 years, when people have asked me for career advice, what I always tell them is don't give up what you have inside. Never sell your soul - because no one can ever pay you back.
What I mean by not selling your soul is don't be someone you're not, don't be less than you are, don't give up what you believe, because whatever the consequences that may seem scary or bad -- whatever the consequences of staying true to yourself are -- they are much better than the consequences of selling your soul.
You have been tested mightily in your life to get to this moment. And all of you know much better than I do: from the moment you leave this campus, you will be tested. You will be tested because you won't fit some people's pre-conceived notions or stereotypes of what you're supposed to be, of who you're supposed to be. People will have stereotypes of what you can or can't do, of what you will or won't do, of what you should or shouldn't do. But they only have power over you if you let them have power over you. They can only have control if you let them have control, if you give up what's inside.
I speak from experience. I've been there. I've been there, in admittedly vastly different ways -- and in many ways, in the fears in my heart, exactly the same places. The truth is I've struggled to have that sense of control since the day I left college.
I was afraid the day I graduated from college. I was afraid of what people would think. Afraid I couldn't measure up. I was afraid of making the wrong choices. I was afraid of disappointing the people who had worked so hard to send me to college.
I had graduated with a degree in medieval history and philosophy. If you had a job that required knowledge of Copernicus or 12th Century European monks, I was your person. But that job market wasn't very strong.
So, I was planning to go to law school, not because it was a lifelong dream - because I thought it was expected of me. Because I realized that I could never be the artist my mother was, so I would try to be the lawyer my father was. So, I went off to law school. For the first three months, I barely slept. I had a blinding headache every day. And I can tell you exactly which shower tile I was looking at in my parent's bathroom on a trip home when it hit me like a lightning bolt. This is my life. I can do what I want. I have control. I walked downstairs and said, "I quit."
I will give my parents credit in some ways. That was 1976. They could have said, "Oh well, you can get married." Instead, they said, "We're worried that you'll never amount to anything." It took me a while to prove them wrong. My first job was working for a brokerage firm. I had a title. It was not "VP." It was "receptionist." I answered phones, I typed, I filed. I did that for a year. And then, I went and lived in Italy, teaching English to Italian businessmen and their families. I discovered that I liked business. I liked the pragmatism of it; the pace of it. Even though it hadn't been my goal, I became a businessperson.
I like big challenges, and the career path I chose for myself at the beginning was in one of the most male-dominated professions in America. I went to work for AT&T. It didn't take me long to realize that there were many people there who didn't have my best interests at heart.
I began my career as a first level sales person within AT&T's long lines department. Now, "long lines" is what we used to call the long distance business, but I used to refer to the management team at AT&T as the "42 longs" - which was their suit size, and all those suits - and faces - looked the same.
I'll never forget the first time my boss at the time introduced me to a client. With a straight face, he said "this is Carly Fiorina, our token bimbo." I laughed, I did my best to dazzle the client, and then I went to the boss when the meeting was over and said, "You will never do that to me again."
In those early days, I was put in a program at the time called the Management Development Program. It was sort of an accelerated up-or-out program, and I was thrown into the middle of a group of all male sales managers who had been there quite a long time, and they thought it was their job to show me a thing or two. A client was coming to town and we had decided that we were getting together for lunch to introduce me to this customer who was important to one of my accounts.
Now the day before this meeting was to occur, one of my male colleagues came to me and said, "You know, Carly, I'm really sorry. I know we've had this planned for a long time, but this customer has a favorite restaurant here in Washington, D.C., and they really want to go to that restaurant, and we need to do what the customer wants, and so I don't think you'll be able to join us."
"Why is that?" I asked. Well, the restaurant was called the Board Room. Now, the Board Room back then was a restaurant on Vermont Avenue in Washington, D.C., and it was a strip club. In fact, it was famous because the young women who worked there would wear these completely see-through baby doll negligees, and they would dance on top of the tables while the patrons ate lunch.
The customer wanted to go there, and so my male colleagues were going there. So I thought about it for about two hours. I remember sitting in the ladies room thinking, "Oh God, what am I going to do? And finally I came back and said, "You know, I hope it won't make you too uncomfortable, but I think I'm going to come to lunch anyway."
Now, I have to tell you I was scared to death. So the morning arrived when I had to go to the Board Room and meet my client, and I chose my outfit carefully. I dressed in my most conservative suit. I carried a briefcase like a shield of honor. I got in a cab. When I told the taxi driver where I wanted to go he whipped around in his seat and said, "You're kidding right?" I think he thought I was a new act.
In any event, I arrived, I got out, I took a deep breath, I straightened my bow tie, and went in the door - and you have to picture this - I go into the door, there's a long bar down one side, there's a stage right in front of me, and my colleagues are sitting way on the other side of the room. And there's a live act going on the stage. The only way I could get to them was to walk along that stage. I did. I looked like a complete idiot. I sat down, we had lunch.
Now, there are two ends to that story. One is that my male colleagues never did that to me again. But the other end to the story, which I still find inspiring, is that all throughout lunch they kept trying to get those young women to dance in their negligees on top of our table -- and every one of those young women came over, looked the situation over and said, "Not until the lady leaves."
It even followed me to HP. As you may know, the legend of HP is that it began in a garage. When I took over, we launched a get-back-to-basics campaign we called "the rules of the garage." A fellow CEO at a competitor saw that and decided to do a skit about me. In front of the entire financial analyst and media community, he had an actress come out with blond hair and long red nails and flashy clothes, and had a garage fall on her head. It made big headlines locally. It made me feel a lot like the "token bimbo" all over again.
I know all of you have your own stories. When you challenge other people's ideas of who or how you should be, they may try to diminish and disgrace you. It can happen in small ways in hidden places, or in big ways on a world stage. You can spend a lifetime resenting the tests, angry about the slights and the injustices. Or, you can rise above it. People's ideas and fears can make them small - but they cannot make you small. People's prejudices can diminish them - but they cannot diminish you. Small-minded people can think they determine your worth. But only you can determine your worth.
At every step along the way, your soul will be tested. Every test you pass will make you stronger.
But let's not be naive. Sometimes, there are consequences to not selling your soul. Sometimes, there are consequences to staying true to what you believe. And sometimes, those consequences are very difficult. But as long as you understand the consequences and accept the consequences, you are not only stronger as a result, you're more at peace.
Many people have asked me how I feel now that I've lost my job. The truth is, I'm proud of the life I've lived so far, and though I've made my share of mistakes, I have no regrets. The worst thing I could have imagined happened. I lost my job in the most public way possible, and the press had a field day with it all over the world. And guess what? I'm still here. I am at peace and my soul is intact. I could have given it away and the story would be different. But I heard the word of Scripture in my head: "What benefit will it be to you if you gain the whole world, but lose your soul?"
When people have stereotypes of what you can't do, show them what you can do. When they have stereotypes of what you won't do, show them what you will do. Every time you pass these tests, you learn more about yourself. Every time you resist someone else's smaller notion of who you really are, you test your courage and your endurance. Each time you endure, and stay true to yourself, you become stronger and better.
I do not know any of you personally. But as a businessperson and a former CEO, I know that people who have learned to overcome much can achieve more than people who've never been tested. And I do know that this school has prepared you well. After all, North Carolina A&T graduates more African Americans with engineering degrees than any other school in the United States. It graduates more African American technology professionals than any other school. It graduates more African American women who go into careers in science, math, and technology than any other school. Your motto is right: North Carolina A&T is truly a national resource and a local treasure. And Aggie Pride is not just a slogan - it's a hard-earned fact!
Never sell your education short. And the fact that this school believed in you means you should never sell yourself short. What I have learned in 25 years of managing people is that everyone possesses more potential than they realize. Living life defined by your own sense of possibility, not by others notions of limitations, is the path to success.
Starting today, you are one of the most promising things America has to offer: you are an Aggie with a degree.
My hope is that you live life defined by your own sense of possibility, your own sense of worth, your own sense of your soul. Define yourself for yourself, not by how others are going to define you - and then stick to it. Find your own internal compass. I use the term compass, because what does a compass do? When the winds are howling, and the storm raging, and the sky is so cloudy you have nothing to navigate by, a compass tells you where true North is. And I think when you are in a lonely situation, you have to rely on that compass. Who am I? What do I believe? Do I believe I am doing the right thing for the right reason in the best way that I can? Sometimes, that's all you have. And always, it will be enough.
Most people will judge you by what they see on the outside. Only you and God will know what's on the inside. But at the end of your life, if people ask you what your greatest accomplishment was, my guess is, it will be something that happened inside you, that no one else ever saw, something that had nothing to do with outside success, and everything to do with how you decide to live in the world.
What you are today is God's gift to you. What you make of yourself is your gift to God. He is waiting for that gift right now. Make it something extraordinary.
Here's what she told the graduates and their guests at the North Carolina Agricultural & Technical State University on May 7
My fellow job seekers: I am honored to be among the first to congratulate you on completing your years at North Carolina A&T. But all of you should know: as Mother's Day gifts go, this one is going to be tough to beat in the years ahead.
The purpose of a commencement speaker is to dispense wisdom. But the older I get, the more I realize that the most important wisdom I've learned in life has come from my mother and my father. Before we go any further, let's hear it one more time for your mothers and mother figures, fathers and father figures, family, and friends in the audience today.
When I first received the invitation to speak here, I was the CEO of an $80 billion Fortune 11 company with 145,000 employees in 178 countries around the world. I held that job for nearly six years. It was also a company that hired its fair share of graduates from North Carolina A&T. You could always tell who they were. For some reason, they were the ones that had stickers on their desks that read, "Beat the Eagles."
But as you may have heard, I don't have that job anymore. After the news of my departure broke, I called the school, and asked: do you still want me to come and be your commencement speaker?
Chancellor Renick put my fears to rest. He said, "Carly, if anything, you probably have more in common with these students now than you did before." And he's right. After all, I've been working on my resume. I've been lining up my references. I bought a new interview suit. If there are any recruiters here, I'll be free around 11.
I want to thank you for having me anyway. This is the first public appearance I've made since I left HP. I wanted very much to be here because this school has always been set apart by something that I've believed very deeply; something that takes me back to the earliest memories I have in life.
One day at church, my mother gave me a small coaster with a saying on it. During my entire childhood, I kept this saying in front of me on a small desk in my room. In fact, I can still show you that coaster today. It says: "What you are is God's gift to you. What you make of yourself is your gift to God."
Those words have had a huge impact on me to this day. What this school and I believe in very deeply is that when we think about our lives, we shouldn't be limited by other people's stereotypes or bigotry. Instead, we should be motivated by our own sense of possibility. We should be motivated by our own sense of accomplishment. We should be motivated by what we believe we can become. Jesse Jackson has taught us; Ronald McNair taught us; the Greensboro Four taught us; that the people who focus on possibilities achieve much more in life than people who focus on limitations.
The question for all of you today is: how will you define what you make of yourself?
To me, what you make of yourself is actually two questions. There's the "you" that people see on the outside. And that's how most people will judge you, because it's all they can see - what you become in life, whether you were made President of this, or CEO of that, the visible you.
But then, there's the invisible you, the "you" on the inside. That's the person that only you and God can see. For 25 years, when people have asked me for career advice, what I always tell them is don't give up what you have inside. Never sell your soul - because no one can ever pay you back.
What I mean by not selling your soul is don't be someone you're not, don't be less than you are, don't give up what you believe, because whatever the consequences that may seem scary or bad -- whatever the consequences of staying true to yourself are -- they are much better than the consequences of selling your soul.
You have been tested mightily in your life to get to this moment. And all of you know much better than I do: from the moment you leave this campus, you will be tested. You will be tested because you won't fit some people's pre-conceived notions or stereotypes of what you're supposed to be, of who you're supposed to be. People will have stereotypes of what you can or can't do, of what you will or won't do, of what you should or shouldn't do. But they only have power over you if you let them have power over you. They can only have control if you let them have control, if you give up what's inside.
I speak from experience. I've been there. I've been there, in admittedly vastly different ways -- and in many ways, in the fears in my heart, exactly the same places. The truth is I've struggled to have that sense of control since the day I left college.
I was afraid the day I graduated from college. I was afraid of what people would think. Afraid I couldn't measure up. I was afraid of making the wrong choices. I was afraid of disappointing the people who had worked so hard to send me to college.
I had graduated with a degree in medieval history and philosophy. If you had a job that required knowledge of Copernicus or 12th Century European monks, I was your person. But that job market wasn't very strong.
So, I was planning to go to law school, not because it was a lifelong dream - because I thought it was expected of me. Because I realized that I could never be the artist my mother was, so I would try to be the lawyer my father was. So, I went off to law school. For the first three months, I barely slept. I had a blinding headache every day. And I can tell you exactly which shower tile I was looking at in my parent's bathroom on a trip home when it hit me like a lightning bolt. This is my life. I can do what I want. I have control. I walked downstairs and said, "I quit."
I will give my parents credit in some ways. That was 1976. They could have said, "Oh well, you can get married." Instead, they said, "We're worried that you'll never amount to anything." It took me a while to prove them wrong. My first job was working for a brokerage firm. I had a title. It was not "VP." It was "receptionist." I answered phones, I typed, I filed. I did that for a year. And then, I went and lived in Italy, teaching English to Italian businessmen and their families. I discovered that I liked business. I liked the pragmatism of it; the pace of it. Even though it hadn't been my goal, I became a businessperson.
I like big challenges, and the career path I chose for myself at the beginning was in one of the most male-dominated professions in America. I went to work for AT&T. It didn't take me long to realize that there were many people there who didn't have my best interests at heart.
I began my career as a first level sales person within AT&T's long lines department. Now, "long lines" is what we used to call the long distance business, but I used to refer to the management team at AT&T as the "42 longs" - which was their suit size, and all those suits - and faces - looked the same.
I'll never forget the first time my boss at the time introduced me to a client. With a straight face, he said "this is Carly Fiorina, our token bimbo." I laughed, I did my best to dazzle the client, and then I went to the boss when the meeting was over and said, "You will never do that to me again."
In those early days, I was put in a program at the time called the Management Development Program. It was sort of an accelerated up-or-out program, and I was thrown into the middle of a group of all male sales managers who had been there quite a long time, and they thought it was their job to show me a thing or two. A client was coming to town and we had decided that we were getting together for lunch to introduce me to this customer who was important to one of my accounts.
Now the day before this meeting was to occur, one of my male colleagues came to me and said, "You know, Carly, I'm really sorry. I know we've had this planned for a long time, but this customer has a favorite restaurant here in Washington, D.C., and they really want to go to that restaurant, and we need to do what the customer wants, and so I don't think you'll be able to join us."
"Why is that?" I asked. Well, the restaurant was called the Board Room. Now, the Board Room back then was a restaurant on Vermont Avenue in Washington, D.C., and it was a strip club. In fact, it was famous because the young women who worked there would wear these completely see-through baby doll negligees, and they would dance on top of the tables while the patrons ate lunch.
The customer wanted to go there, and so my male colleagues were going there. So I thought about it for about two hours. I remember sitting in the ladies room thinking, "Oh God, what am I going to do? And finally I came back and said, "You know, I hope it won't make you too uncomfortable, but I think I'm going to come to lunch anyway."
Now, I have to tell you I was scared to death. So the morning arrived when I had to go to the Board Room and meet my client, and I chose my outfit carefully. I dressed in my most conservative suit. I carried a briefcase like a shield of honor. I got in a cab. When I told the taxi driver where I wanted to go he whipped around in his seat and said, "You're kidding right?" I think he thought I was a new act.
In any event, I arrived, I got out, I took a deep breath, I straightened my bow tie, and went in the door - and you have to picture this - I go into the door, there's a long bar down one side, there's a stage right in front of me, and my colleagues are sitting way on the other side of the room. And there's a live act going on the stage. The only way I could get to them was to walk along that stage. I did. I looked like a complete idiot. I sat down, we had lunch.
Now, there are two ends to that story. One is that my male colleagues never did that to me again. But the other end to the story, which I still find inspiring, is that all throughout lunch they kept trying to get those young women to dance in their negligees on top of our table -- and every one of those young women came over, looked the situation over and said, "Not until the lady leaves."
It even followed me to HP. As you may know, the legend of HP is that it began in a garage. When I took over, we launched a get-back-to-basics campaign we called "the rules of the garage." A fellow CEO at a competitor saw that and decided to do a skit about me. In front of the entire financial analyst and media community, he had an actress come out with blond hair and long red nails and flashy clothes, and had a garage fall on her head. It made big headlines locally. It made me feel a lot like the "token bimbo" all over again.
I know all of you have your own stories. When you challenge other people's ideas of who or how you should be, they may try to diminish and disgrace you. It can happen in small ways in hidden places, or in big ways on a world stage. You can spend a lifetime resenting the tests, angry about the slights and the injustices. Or, you can rise above it. People's ideas and fears can make them small - but they cannot make you small. People's prejudices can diminish them - but they cannot diminish you. Small-minded people can think they determine your worth. But only you can determine your worth.
At every step along the way, your soul will be tested. Every test you pass will make you stronger.
But let's not be naive. Sometimes, there are consequences to not selling your soul. Sometimes, there are consequences to staying true to what you believe. And sometimes, those consequences are very difficult. But as long as you understand the consequences and accept the consequences, you are not only stronger as a result, you're more at peace.
Many people have asked me how I feel now that I've lost my job. The truth is, I'm proud of the life I've lived so far, and though I've made my share of mistakes, I have no regrets. The worst thing I could have imagined happened. I lost my job in the most public way possible, and the press had a field day with it all over the world. And guess what? I'm still here. I am at peace and my soul is intact. I could have given it away and the story would be different. But I heard the word of Scripture in my head: "What benefit will it be to you if you gain the whole world, but lose your soul?"
When people have stereotypes of what you can't do, show them what you can do. When they have stereotypes of what you won't do, show them what you will do. Every time you pass these tests, you learn more about yourself. Every time you resist someone else's smaller notion of who you really are, you test your courage and your endurance. Each time you endure, and stay true to yourself, you become stronger and better.
I do not know any of you personally. But as a businessperson and a former CEO, I know that people who have learned to overcome much can achieve more than people who've never been tested. And I do know that this school has prepared you well. After all, North Carolina A&T graduates more African Americans with engineering degrees than any other school in the United States. It graduates more African American technology professionals than any other school. It graduates more African American women who go into careers in science, math, and technology than any other school. Your motto is right: North Carolina A&T is truly a national resource and a local treasure. And Aggie Pride is not just a slogan - it's a hard-earned fact!
Never sell your education short. And the fact that this school believed in you means you should never sell yourself short. What I have learned in 25 years of managing people is that everyone possesses more potential than they realize. Living life defined by your own sense of possibility, not by others notions of limitations, is the path to success.
Starting today, you are one of the most promising things America has to offer: you are an Aggie with a degree.
My hope is that you live life defined by your own sense of possibility, your own sense of worth, your own sense of your soul. Define yourself for yourself, not by how others are going to define you - and then stick to it. Find your own internal compass. I use the term compass, because what does a compass do? When the winds are howling, and the storm raging, and the sky is so cloudy you have nothing to navigate by, a compass tells you where true North is. And I think when you are in a lonely situation, you have to rely on that compass. Who am I? What do I believe? Do I believe I am doing the right thing for the right reason in the best way that I can? Sometimes, that's all you have. And always, it will be enough.
Most people will judge you by what they see on the outside. Only you and God will know what's on the inside. But at the end of your life, if people ask you what your greatest accomplishment was, my guess is, it will be something that happened inside you, that no one else ever saw, something that had nothing to do with outside success, and everything to do with how you decide to live in the world.
What you are today is God's gift to you. What you make of yourself is your gift to God. He is waiting for that gift right now. Make it something extraordinary.
Saturday, May 28, 2005
Well, since it may be some time before I go online again, here are a few interesting facts about China and my company.
1) Zebra crossings and traffic lights in China are not really pedestrain crossings, more like a legal jaywalking area. Generally traffic here follows the "biggest rules" law in this order: buses, cars, motorbikes/bicycles, humans. I have discovered the safest way to cross is to walk quickly with a large group of people, so that you won't be the one knocked down first.
2) During mealtimes, we have this strange habit of either a) talking about shit and various disgusting stuff, or b) describing the lives of whatever animal we are eating. Here are a few examples:
(while eating sparrows)
"Think of all those cute little birds."
(while eating goat meat)
"Hey, remember the goat we were petting just now?"
And this conversation during dinnertime which prompted me to type all this (we were having a KFC meal to see the difference between SG KFC and China KFC):
Chengping: "This chicken tastes very fresh."
Brenda: "Really? How do you know it's fresh?"
Chengping: "Erm, because it's tender?"
Me: "Aiyah, it just tastes fresh. There's no need to analyse it."
Amanda: "But maybe it's tender because it's fatty chicken."
Me: "Young chicken?"
Amanda: "But you never get young chicken. I mean, they'll be quite old."
Me: "Ok, adolescent chicken."
Amanda: "Ok, adolescent chicken."
Brenda (in her usual, pessimistic way): "They're probably just injected with hormones."
Amanda (catching our looks and trying to be reassuring): "Don't worry, they're probably female hormones so it's good for us."
Me: "Erm..."
Brenda: "Full of antibodies."
Anyway, that's about it. The rest of the conversation was somewhat less exciting. You get the idea of the general theme of our talk.
3) 4/5 of us are rather addicted to the computer, something that was not that evident until one was available to us. Brenda, especially, looked like she had struck gold and was not going to let go of it. You should have seen her oozing insincerity while asking Amanda if she wanted to use the computer.
Day 4:
Monday, I think. We met Nankun, who reached around midnight the night before. We toured bei hai gong yuan and walked around some old residential buildings. In the evening we went to this food street, where we ate sparrows, silkworm coocoons, smelly tofu and BBQ lamb. Generally I just liked the lamb. When we returned we met Chengping, NK's friend and another girl we're going with, and we ate Peking duck.
Day 5:
Flew to Chengdu. It was free and easy the day we landed so we went to a park and visited a teahouse. I loved the park--it was one for locals and not a touristy place we were all so used to. I was watching the senior citizens dance and I was contemplating how they seemed to be enjoying themselves so much. At night we got treated to this ma la huo guo by this friend of Mrs. Huang.
Ok, I'm a bit sick of blogging. Will continue another day.
1) Zebra crossings and traffic lights in China are not really pedestrain crossings, more like a legal jaywalking area. Generally traffic here follows the "biggest rules" law in this order: buses, cars, motorbikes/bicycles, humans. I have discovered the safest way to cross is to walk quickly with a large group of people, so that you won't be the one knocked down first.
2) During mealtimes, we have this strange habit of either a) talking about shit and various disgusting stuff, or b) describing the lives of whatever animal we are eating. Here are a few examples:
(while eating sparrows)
"Think of all those cute little birds."
(while eating goat meat)
"Hey, remember the goat we were petting just now?"
And this conversation during dinnertime which prompted me to type all this (we were having a KFC meal to see the difference between SG KFC and China KFC):
Chengping: "This chicken tastes very fresh."
Brenda: "Really? How do you know it's fresh?"
Chengping: "Erm, because it's tender?"
Me: "Aiyah, it just tastes fresh. There's no need to analyse it."
Amanda: "But maybe it's tender because it's fatty chicken."
Me: "Young chicken?"
Amanda: "But you never get young chicken. I mean, they'll be quite old."
Me: "Ok, adolescent chicken."
Amanda: "Ok, adolescent chicken."
Brenda (in her usual, pessimistic way): "They're probably just injected with hormones."
Amanda (catching our looks and trying to be reassuring): "Don't worry, they're probably female hormones so it's good for us."
Me: "Erm..."
Brenda: "Full of antibodies."
Anyway, that's about it. The rest of the conversation was somewhat less exciting. You get the idea of the general theme of our talk.
3) 4/5 of us are rather addicted to the computer, something that was not that evident until one was available to us. Brenda, especially, looked like she had struck gold and was not going to let go of it. You should have seen her oozing insincerity while asking Amanda if she wanted to use the computer.
Day 4:
Monday, I think. We met Nankun, who reached around midnight the night before. We toured bei hai gong yuan and walked around some old residential buildings. In the evening we went to this food street, where we ate sparrows, silkworm coocoons, smelly tofu and BBQ lamb. Generally I just liked the lamb. When we returned we met Chengping, NK's friend and another girl we're going with, and we ate Peking duck.
Day 5:
Flew to Chengdu. It was free and easy the day we landed so we went to a park and visited a teahouse. I loved the park--it was one for locals and not a touristy place we were all so used to. I was watching the senior citizens dance and I was contemplating how they seemed to be enjoying themselves so much. At night we got treated to this ma la huo guo by this friend of Mrs. Huang.
Ok, I'm a bit sick of blogging. Will continue another day.
At my mother's insistence, here is an update on what has happened to me so far in China. For someone who did not bring a camera, I took a lot of pictures, mainly by shamelessly placing myself in front of the lens. So much has happened; I can't believe it has only been one week.
Day one:
We arrived in Beijing at around nine plus at night. Our flight was delayed for an hour because the pilot had some accident and there had to be a last minute change, then we had to wait at the Beijing airport because the terminal was full. The Hong Kong airport and Beijing airport were both quite nice, but I think airports generally give the same feel once they are of a certain level. When we arrived in Beijing there were so many people at the arrival gate that we just walked past Dr. Huang without seeing him. Fortunately he decided that it had to be us and came to look for us.
The apartment we were living in lies in an area that could be considered the "silicon valley" of China; it has a number of universities and research institues. It's about half an hour's drive from the airport and has an extremely secure door. Our hosts were very warm and kept stuffing us. Plus help us book tickets etc.
We had slight bad luck with apartments on the first day. We lived by ourselves on the tenth floor. I had very hot water at first which switched suddenly to icy cold water. Brenda had cold water and Amanda had slightly warm water. The doors also had a scary auto lock tendency; the toilet locked by itself behind her. We were too embarrassed to call the hosts and were panicking. Thankfully we managed to open it with a ruler. Then later when I went into the room I got locked on the inside, and Brenda and Amanda had to get the keys to open it.
The next few days we had no problems, though. Hot water and everything, lalala.
Day two:
We went to Summer Palace with Mrs. Huang and spent the whole day there. It was rather crowded because it was a Saturday. It also rained the earlier part of the day. The part where I really found fun was the boat ride, where we learned more about the tunnel effect because we were, well, trying to go through a tunnel. It was a pedal boat.
Day three:
We woke up at 3.30 am to watch the flag raising at Tian An Men. Unfortunately the sun had risen by the time the flag rose, and it was very crowded, so it wasn't as spectacular as it could have been. We went to the Forbidden City, which was really really crowded because it was Sunday. Then we went KTV and dinner with some students from Nanyang Poly on attachment there; it was fun. Went back dead tired.
Ok, that's it for now. More later.
Day one:
We arrived in Beijing at around nine plus at night. Our flight was delayed for an hour because the pilot had some accident and there had to be a last minute change, then we had to wait at the Beijing airport because the terminal was full. The Hong Kong airport and Beijing airport were both quite nice, but I think airports generally give the same feel once they are of a certain level. When we arrived in Beijing there were so many people at the arrival gate that we just walked past Dr. Huang without seeing him. Fortunately he decided that it had to be us and came to look for us.
The apartment we were living in lies in an area that could be considered the "silicon valley" of China; it has a number of universities and research institues. It's about half an hour's drive from the airport and has an extremely secure door. Our hosts were very warm and kept stuffing us. Plus help us book tickets etc.
We had slight bad luck with apartments on the first day. We lived by ourselves on the tenth floor. I had very hot water at first which switched suddenly to icy cold water. Brenda had cold water and Amanda had slightly warm water. The doors also had a scary auto lock tendency; the toilet locked by itself behind her. We were too embarrassed to call the hosts and were panicking. Thankfully we managed to open it with a ruler. Then later when I went into the room I got locked on the inside, and Brenda and Amanda had to get the keys to open it.
The next few days we had no problems, though. Hot water and everything, lalala.
Day two:
We went to Summer Palace with Mrs. Huang and spent the whole day there. It was rather crowded because it was a Saturday. It also rained the earlier part of the day. The part where I really found fun was the boat ride, where we learned more about the tunnel effect because we were, well, trying to go through a tunnel. It was a pedal boat.
Day three:
We woke up at 3.30 am to watch the flag raising at Tian An Men. Unfortunately the sun had risen by the time the flag rose, and it was very crowded, so it wasn't as spectacular as it could have been. We went to the Forbidden City, which was really really crowded because it was Sunday. Then we went KTV and dinner with some students from Nanyang Poly on attachment there; it was fun. Went back dead tired.
Ok, that's it for now. More later.
Saturday, May 14, 2005
I am going to die when I reach China. Well, not die, maybe just collapse on the Great Wall or Huangshan or something equally drastic. I haven't worked out for weeks. I'm becoming lard. I haven't started packing. I haven't even bought a backpack. I haven't made my spectacles, or gone to the dentist, or bought new shoes and sandals, or done a whole lot of things I'm supposed to do. It has hit me, truly hit me, that I'm leaving next week. NEXT WEEK. Next Friday, to be exact. In the morning, which leaves me even less time.
Worse still, I have my tuition kids to settle, SCGS last training and their schedule for holidays. ACJC intercollegiate finals are on wednesday too, which means I'll be busy until then. ANd VJIP, although there's Felda to help with that, thank goodness. ARGHSRGHARGH.
I went to Batam with my sister on Thursday and Friday, and came back with a number of little realisations. There were many buildings left half-constructed and left standing, a pity because the after some time, the scaffolding could no longer be used. Apparently the reason for this was that the Indonesian governement was torn between developing Batam as a tourist resort or as an industrial city. At first they decided to go for tourism. So they got investors in and all. Then halfway through, they decided to change to industries, and all the original investors pulled out. Then there was an economic crisis, and nothing could be built.
It was such a sad waste. There was little infrastructure coordination--there were resorts in the middle of nowhere, shopping centres in the middle of nowhere and restaurants in the middle of nowhere. Transport costs for tourists were exorbitant, because there was no gurantee for taxi-drivers. My advice for future visitors to Batam to book a resort near town, like Island Garden resort or something, because the hotel taxi fares would make up the difference.
Despite all that, we did have fun. Ate and slept and ate and slept. The facilities were nice after all.
Worse still, I have my tuition kids to settle, SCGS last training and their schedule for holidays. ACJC intercollegiate finals are on wednesday too, which means I'll be busy until then. ANd VJIP, although there's Felda to help with that, thank goodness. ARGHSRGHARGH.
I went to Batam with my sister on Thursday and Friday, and came back with a number of little realisations. There were many buildings left half-constructed and left standing, a pity because the after some time, the scaffolding could no longer be used. Apparently the reason for this was that the Indonesian governement was torn between developing Batam as a tourist resort or as an industrial city. At first they decided to go for tourism. So they got investors in and all. Then halfway through, they decided to change to industries, and all the original investors pulled out. Then there was an economic crisis, and nothing could be built.
It was such a sad waste. There was little infrastructure coordination--there were resorts in the middle of nowhere, shopping centres in the middle of nowhere and restaurants in the middle of nowhere. Transport costs for tourists were exorbitant, because there was no gurantee for taxi-drivers. My advice for future visitors to Batam to book a resort near town, like Island Garden resort or something, because the hotel taxi fares would make up the difference.
Despite all that, we did have fun. Ate and slept and ate and slept. The facilities were nice after all.
